New York

Memorial Day, 5 years ago, so Memorial Day 2008, it may have only been 4 years… I’m not 100% on that… I do know it was Memorial Day…  Or Labor Day (but 99.9999% sure Memorial Day), I met an incredible man.  Said man will henceforth be referred to as New York.  And not only is he New York, he is MY New York.  Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine…. even in the midst of all the other relationships I’ve given chances since meeting him, New York is the one I’ve wanted to be with.  The problem with that particular desire is well 1) he lives in New York and 2) you cannot put stubborn and more stubborn together to create bliss in a relationship.  What in fact happens is complete and utter chaos.  Everyone is right… in reality, we’re both wrong (not 100% of the time), but we’re both enough wrong it just ends badly.  And it has… again and again and again and again… you get the picture… It never went well…EVER!!

New York and I instantly had a connection when we met and we were in love and it was new and fabulous and then his micromanaging and my constant need to self-sabotage any good thing in my life met head on… Explosion.

We took a break… a long break (like a year).  We started talking, we still love each other, we think the other is the one that got away, things are great, then I don’t even remember what happened…Explosion.

Again, we take a break… not quite as long as the previous break, but still I would say 3-6 months.  Same scenario, we have both been in counseling by this point, we think we are straightened out enough to give it yet another chance, I am 100% going for this, New York is the one I want to spend my life with and then we get into a blow out about my brother, (yes, my brother who I can’t stand), and yes I take responsibility for that one it was my fault.

Well, after spending months trying to convince him I’m sorry and things have changed he informs me that he loves me but we have proven we do nothing but hurt one another (proof is listed above)… we continue to talk, if I’m ever in New York (yeah right, like that will ever happen) give him a call.  Maybe in all this time he just wanted me to jump on a plane and come to him.  Well I would have if I could have but I’m a poor girl living in the Midwest who lives paycheck to paycheck.  We keep talking…  I tell him if he wants to not try again then I will respect that.  I miss having him in my life, so we keep talking…  Maybe I just want him to come to me (he most definitely has the means).  He agrees.  He misses me, he still loves me.  New York is coming to Southern Illinois (aka the middle of nowhere) to see me.  We’re going to talk, we’re going to see if anything can be salvaged.  Did I mention HE WILL BE HERE!  My New York will be HERE with ME!  Yes, I’m nervous and scared and this could very possibly turn into another explosion (I’m aware, don’t need a lecture on how this is a bad idea), but more importantly, I am freakin’ ecstatic!!!

Bad idea or not, this is what we need.  We need to be in the same place, at the same time and quite possibly for the first time in YEARS be on the same page whether we walk away friends or not is yet to be seen, but at least, when he gets on the plane to fly back to New York, we will finally have figured out what in the heck is going on with us.